The long game

I heard myself say it, echoing the climactic line from the Avengers movie, “We’re in the long game now.” And it was true. We are now reflecting on our lives in terms of decades, and the impact we’ve made in those years become milestones and inflection points. I’ve also heard myself use the phrase “inflection point” quite often in the last few weeks. Starting a new decade, 2020, will do that to you.

My first instinct when I reflect on the self-doubt and emotional distraught that I sometimes felt in the last ten years as I was “figuring out my career” really becomes one of blame. I am the victim, and I am victim blaming, and I am blaming myself. My first instinct is to ask myself why I wasn’t stronger.

What does “stronger” mean, really? Does “stronger” mean to shut yourself off from emotions, from building friendships and diverse working relationships, from curiosity, to optimize for the efficient and champion the most “productive” (according to some arbitrary process rules) teams, in order to advance forward progress at all costs?

When people ask me how I “transition” from technical project management to product management it legitimately confuses me that there’s a transition implied. How would a really good technical project manager be able to ignore the inquisitive team, who challenges the outcomes and goals of their work, and advance the sprint plan, if they are not clear on the direction and vision of the product roadmap? If the product roadmap does not exist or does not reflect realistic expectations of the team’s commitment and ability to deliver, is it not the responsibility of the technical project manager to confront and address that, directly with the product manager? Wouldn’t that presume that the technical project manager has as much responsibility and need for understanding the business value of the work they are monitoring? They may not be the ones who are allowed to prioritize the roadmap, but they are required to deliver on quality, and quality is only possible if the entire team understands and buys in to the project. How is a technical project manager different from a product manager?

I guess, maybe it depends on the personality and ambition and individual motivation of the respective technical project manager. Maybe titles are arbitrary and reflect the perception awarded on you in the eyes of your immediate superiors of what you can or cannot do or what you are capable of doing. Maybe labels are just words. And maybe words are important. But maybe, actions speak louder than words.

In the long game, you build your suffering into art, and you understand that you needed to feel those moments to become who you are today. And at those milestones, those key junctures in the critical path of your career, you realize that life can be very short and very long at the same time.